Just as I'm about to go home, the alarm sound goes off. From then I knew that it was going to be a long night. My fire crew and I rushed to the burning building driving down the empty streets at midnight with our red siren's lighting up the dark streets.
The fire was terrifying! Everybody running around scared as can be. We, got to work as quick as we could. We did our best to put the fire out! The building was just burnt as can be, inside and out. There was nothing else that we could of done to have saved the building.
There's been many times when I've wanted to quit being a firefighter. But, then after every fire, saving people and making the best of things. Makes me want to stay a firefighter.
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Wow. I really like this alot! You can definitely hear your voice in this big time. This is a very good piece of writing. Very enjoyable.
ReplyDeleteI liked this piece. Especially the fact that it didn't seem to be written towards an audience, it seemed more written as a narrative, kind of what the guy was thinking. There was a few places where the punctuation could have been fixed though. Like the line "We, got to work as quick as we could." There doesn't need to be a comma after we. And the same with the line “But, then after every fire, saving people and making the best of things. Makes me want to stay a firefighter.” This might be better written as “But then after every fine, saving people and making the best of things, makes me want to stay a firefighter.” Altogether, good job! Just work on the punctuation a bit.
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